Now . Future

Title: ....
Content: ....
?? Because i have no idea what to write.
No time to write.
Not even have time to think what to write.
Because I'm SHORT OF TIME!!!!!!!

Post called...and this was the last in Obs posting.
Something weird happened at 4.30a.m.(try to tell the incidence in layman terms)
A 24 weeks pregnant lady gave birth to a preterm baby when the cervical was not in favourable state (not fully dilated). She suddenly bear down and it was so unpredicted!
A baby born with no spontaneous breath, no active movements, no cry and with eye closure. Bruish colour noted over the right shoulder due to injury during delivery. Not forget to mention it was a breech presentation. (Buttocks comes out 1st before the head)
The weird thing was there was a visible heart beat but it couldn't be auscultated by stethoscope.
According to a Paediatrician, it was a muscle contraction instead of heart beat.
But why the contraction is confined to left chest wall but not a generalised one? 1st question.
The underlying causes of contraction? neurological deficit? electrolyte imbalance? 2nd ques.
Ultrasound before delivery revealed that active fetal heart beat was present..so....? 3rd ques

From clinically examination, the fetus was annouced to death due to extreme prematurity.
The fetus for sure cannot survive although resuscitation is taken place.
But how to explain those weird phenomenons???
Hmm...i dunno, Paediatricians dunno and so far nobody knows as I know.

Straight IV bolus of oldtown white coffee after post called to attend Dr. Siley class..
On-call in Obs was an agony and thanks God this was the last in my medical student's life.
NOT for future doctor's..
Sigh~~~

I hate the feelings of being trapped...
For sure Every1 likes freedom and dislikes being restricted.
Although I hate it but I prefer to be in this predicament forever.
Sounds self torturing.
The problems is I have been trapped in the Holiday Mood!!!
Haiz...Holiday is going to end soon.
Have to face Prof PC Tan within 5 days time.
Tension and be ready for that!
No more long holidays after this.
Still wanna shout out that,
"I like being trapped!!!!"

Mum told me that Bro was washing my car. Again??

My bro treats me so good that he helps me washing my car and even paying the petrol. Having a Bro is really great. Hehe. Of course I have to ‘help’ him to wash my car. That’s the car that I always drive what. It’s my job and NOT his.

Then Bro suggested polishing my car. Haiz… Feeling so lazy to move on.

Polishing car is really consuming energy and time. Although only do once half a year, but still reluctant to start. In a being forced situation, I started the mission impossible with Bro’s aid….

Within 2 hours time, mission accomplished (washing+polishing). Waja looked shiny under the sun. Woohoo…

But it was tiring. Lesson I learned this morning is every task will become easier once you go through the initiating part. So the most difficult thing is the starting point.

Seeing my shiny Waja.. Feeling proud of it...^_^

My relationship with my Bro has been polished as well. Thanks Bro!

Feel so sorry for what i have done...
I admit that it's my fault. I shouldn't do so at first.
I knew it did hurt you and I swear I wun do the same mistake again.
Why I have disappointed u in such silliest way?
I couldn't forgive myself and how am i going to hope that u can forgive me?
You responded to my apology with teary eyes..
Gush of guilt and sorrow in deep of my heart at that moment...I feel so so so Sorry.
SORRY, MUM.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME...

Woke up at 8am and had breakfast together with family.
It was so unexpected that my old friends (we know each other since kindergarten...)
Banana and Da Ming (nicknames are used here coz we're more comfort with that. ha) came to ask me for breakfast tea..=.= Again i had to go out with them since i din have any solid reasons to reject them.. So, went to lim teh at the nearest shop.
Then, the climax was Swee Ping was there!!! Wow!!!
The last time i met her was at Standard 6. She was transferred to Seremban's school after that.
We totally lost contact since then. Furthermore, she moved to seremban that time.
It was so surprised meeting with her at such an OLD coffee shop. hehe.
She came back for holidays for a month. She just completed her pharmacy course in Australia for 4 years. Lots of fun to talk with her..
We still can chit-chat non-stop although not meet up for so long.
Everything remain the same except one thing makes change is she becomes prettier..haha..^.^ Nice 1..

My hometown frenz, Cheong, Hau, Huey shan came as well..And we decided to go sing K at bahau tonight.. Yo,this is my first time singing K there..Hopefully the K's setting there is good enough..
If not, sure causes sound pollution..haha
I'm not the one causing it ,ok??lolz

Finally here comes the Raya holidays!!
Packing and preparing to go home. ^.^ And not forget to bring books back to study.=.=
Jz as i mentioned before, will have long case exam after holidays. Haiz...

Holiday is the only golden opportunity for me to take enough rest and recharge since after 3 weeks of busy Obs posting.
During my 1st and 2nd year, sure I was in excited state when near the holidays.
Because it's time for enjoying and relaxing. Really miss those time so much.
But then now in final year, everything is going totally different.
Holiday is for studying in such a way that i no need to go medical wards to clerk patients.
No ward rounds, no tutorial teaching, no on-call roster and etc.

I feel quite satisfied now with all this during holidays.
Try to get used to this since entering clinical years.
Holiday becomes shorter and duty becomes heavier from time to time.

Holiday is just for me to take a deep breath after facing the heavy workload in the congested hospital.
I learn to appreciate holidays although it's a short one.
Time for me to accompany my family after 3 weeks of being away from them.
I realize that i will spend lesser time to be with them in the future once i become HO.
It's a sad thing to say anyway.
But i know that they are always there standing behind me and giving me fully support.
I will not disappoint YOU ALL. I promise!!

Holidays!!! but still need to study....
Being self-discipline. MUST!!!

Haiz..After the MMC talk jz now, thought want to watch G-Force, but end up with watching Gamers pula..=.=
Went to GSC only realized that the premiere of G-Force is on 17/9 (tomorrow)..#$%%^*&
Seems like no other nice movies are released recently.
Finally we chose to watch Gamers...
Walau eh, I nearly fell asleep during the early part. Felt giddiness as well..(you will know once u watch it..XD)
Then the movie's storyline is a bit weird and some parts are so disorganized.
Not advisable t0 spend even RM7 to watch this type of SUCkZZZZ movie..
I will rate it 8.....out of 100..haha

Planned to have K session with buddyline initially. But being told that Edmund is going to sit for his exam. So the plan is being postponed to unknown date. Sigh...
All the best to CDE!!

Going to Banting soon! Here i come, Banting~

The title stated was my first response after knowing he is the one who's going to take my EOP long case exam.
Haiz..Y i'm not getting Dr. Cipto or Dr. Valli?
Prof Tan is not malignant examiner as what other coursemates told me.
But the way he conducts exam is really bringing u tonnes of tension...

- Staring at u and waiting for ur answer although u seriously cannot recall it.
- Must make a wise guess for those unfamiliar questions even though u dunno the answer.
Give a stupid answer is unforgiven.
- The body size of the examiner is really an issue to deal with. OoopSss...
Anyway, it seems like a warming up for me before i go to sit for my final next year.
I dun care. Jz try my best and no regret!!!

Going home this friday..and fetch my sis back. ^^
She bought a broadband recently..So.....hehe

I hope i'm not going to have fun during raya holiday. Because..........
Prof Tan is standing in front of me. He is staring at me and waiting for my smart guess...arghhh.....

Long case is straight after raya holiday..T_T

Post call yesterday in labour ward.
Imagine u have to stay there to clerk cases, conduct delivery and repair episiotomy from 7am to 3pm. Take a break for 2 hours. Then have to cont from 6pm to next day 7am. Lastly have to attend seminar from 8 to 10.30am.

This is a real oncall just like a Houseman Officer(HO) will have. Needless to say,they have to continuosly working for 36 hours. Of course their workload is far more tiring.
Haiz, i cannot cope with this kind of life even a day. It KILLS me!!! I'm completely exhausted after the call and seminar. Frankly speaking, i totally not ready for a doctor's hectic life. The paid is not proportionate to what u have sacrificed!! RM100 per call??? it's not worth at all.
So?

Just accept it because those patients out there need our help. This is my choice. I never regret for that. Who is going to help them except us? We are qualified to study in this field and the prerequisite is we must have the CARING HEART and DO NO HARM for patients.

The lessons that i gained yest call was I learn repairing the episiotomy. Yay!!!
Layer by layer...apex,mucosa,muscle and skin!!!
Of cause with local anaesthetic.Otherwise, i will be suffering from tinnitus or hearing loss..haha

3.40am. I'm still not feeling sleepy. How? Luckily tomorrow no class.
Wondering whether want to follow clinic tmr morning or not?
The key thing is can i wake up early in the morning? ^.^
I dun think this is a problem for me after being well trained during Obs oncall. haha
And i managed to reach my goal earlier tonight --> Finishing my Obs case summary!!!

I like Old Town white coffee so so much since 2 years ago.
Started drinking coffee when i was in Form 2. Firstly, i used to drink Super 3+1 coffee, followed by Strong Nescafe (green package), and finally comes to Old Town.
I sure cannot miss even an IV (intravenous) bolus of old town white coffee everyday. Otherwise, you will see me collapsing abruptly and announced being brain death. ha

I seem like develop tolerance to the old town for quite some time. =.=
Have to drink it twice daily, morning and night session. haiz.
End up with blogging here in an energetic status.

Old town drives me CRAZY!!!!~

Staring at the 4 pieces of clerking paper that i have completed 3 days ago with blanked mind.
Keeping the same posture for very long till i'm going to sound my next horn...^^
(Roughly 15 minutes~)
U know why? The problem is i have to type my case summary. AGAIN!!!
Haiz. Everytime i have difficulty in starting off my case summary.
Typing CS is really time consuming and tiring. Mentally and physically...
Haiya. Still blogging here??!! I have to pass it up by this Friday ler.
1 day to go. I only can fully concentrate in completing it at the last minute. Used to be..haha
Sometimes, i'm still thinking of how good it is if the case write-up system in MBBS can be abolished. keke. But i know it's impossible.
Because it's a good way in FORCING a student to learn a topic/disease thoroughly. (* Forcing here is jz applicable to certain medical students like me. Ha!)
Sure you will gain something in your pocket after finishing a CS. Unless you simply do it...
'Unstable Lie in Pregnancy'. Here i come!!!!

Am i in the right path of thinking? Or i have made a wrong guess as what i usually do?
There is nothing complicated there, right? Analyse it in a simple way, please.
Every questions will be solved just by asking.
But seems like asking will lead to more uninvited problems.
So keep silent and think of it logically and wisely.
I might find the real answer by doing nothing.
Answer has been hinted at that time. Why i'm still cannot get out of it?
Sigh~
Nvm, wait and see. Just let it be.
I dun care what the result is. And just do it according to my instinct...
Hmm...
Everythg is still going on as usual!! ^.^

This is the statement:
Post mortem of obstetrician shown that they only have single neurone.
This is because excessive inhalation of amniotic fluid during delivery has made the brain atrophy.
The corrosive nature of liquor contributes to this.
Even though there is just single neurone, we dunno it's still well functioning or not.
So, medical students please protect your brain neurones by wearing a mask at least.

And tonight i have my 2nd call from 6pm to 8am tmr.
Another tiring day for me.

The labour ward is only well adapted by polar bear..
Double layers of sweater cannot save you from freezing to death.
There is so cooooold.....

Dun forget to wish me have chances to conduct more deliveries to9!!! Yay!!!!^^
Both mother and baby must stay well and healthy post partum-ly....^^

And the statement mentioned above ended up by Prof PC Tan saying that:
'Nvr believe to what senior obstetricians telling you. They might tell lie to you.'
He is the one who told me that statement...
=.=|||||

Today morning, went to labour ward. Clerked a new admission of IUD (intra-uterine death).
The mother is a 37 year-old Chinese with G5P3+1.
I'm the translator between Dr. SiLay and the mother.
T/A USG showed there was no fetal heart beat and the uterine was smaller than date.
The mother looked so sad after knowing the bad news. She was so teary.
She kept on asking me to save her baby but i have to assure her in such case.
We cant find the cause of IUD unless post mortem biopsy was done.
Congenital abnormalities is the most likely Dx that we can make so far. T.T Feeling sad telling the mother abt the fact.
This is our responsibility as a Dr to tell the exact truth to the patient. And i need to learn the proper and comfort way to break a bad news. This is wat i shud learn. And being a Dr must have high EQ!! No question for it.
So, Jason must be tougher!!

There was no internet access since yest afternoon.
Felt so depressed solely because of it.
I have used to clicked once every 15 minutes interval to anticipate for my next hunt.^.^
But then now i totally cannot! Feel so empty and sad for the whole night.
Good thing is i can fully concentrate on my study. Yay!! i found the progress is quite satisfying without the influence of MH. Every morning sure i will open my laptop to cont MH. Eye opener. 1 mark for it
I will get irritated if ppl stop me from MH. Annoying. Another 1 mark for this.
But there is no guilt and feeling of cutting down the freq of MH. ^.^
Seems like i fulfil the criteria for 'MH abuser' criterias...ha
So am i addicted to it? No doubt the answer is YUP!!! sigh~

Post call semi-unconsciousness doesn't really disturb me much after i took a nap for 2 and a half hours.
After i woke up from nap, AK asked me to go KFC for cendol. First time been there and it's far better than cendol in SS17.
Then, had my dinner at Damansara Utama. This time, we purposely went to try out the famous Hokkien noodle shop. Walked past the shop for few times before, seeing sea of customers there stopped us from going to the shop.
Now, we went there at 8pm.
Hehe, the ppl were far fewer this time. And the roasted duck there is very nice.^.^
Hokkien mee and fried rice are the highly recommended food there.
I think will go there for the 2nd time. ha.
Haiz...Friday made me feeling lazy to study. I spent almost whole night time sitting in front of laptop.
Playing FB, chatting w frenz and watching Japanese movie spent me a night.
No mood to study at all. And the college looks so quiet. 1st and 2nd yr juniors are going to finish their 1 week holidays.
Hopefully tmr i will start cocentrating in revision of O&G.
2months and 7 weeks to go for my Final MBBS!!! Countdowning.....

The date and time shown is a meaningful moment in my life.
Why i say so? Hehe. Because that's when i conduct my 1st delivery in medical sch life.
The mother, Zainnurah, a 29 year-old Indonesian gave birth to her 1st daughter,the 2nd child.
Everything went smoothly, from the delivery of the baby until the delivery of placenta.
I did it on my own! and of course with the Doctor stood beside me.
I feel so happy for both the mother and the baby. And the feelings of holding a newborn in hands is so so......I couldn't find a suitable adjective for that unless u experience it by urself. ha.
Short say, it's fantastic!!
Besides that, i also assisted in operation for Placenta Praevia, together with chun tsu and haizi.
Although it's damn tiring for the on-call from 7pm to 7am, i find it worth in the sense of learning and gaining something which contributes to my future in life.
Wondering later how long shud i sleep to compensate what i had lost.^^
And for sure it not jz ends there, i still have another 2 seminars at 8am ltr.
Gonna go^^

12.55a.m. is shown at the right lower corner of my laptop screen. Today is 3rd Sept.
And it's my 1st oncall in Obs posting.
Gonna be a busy and tiring day. Oncall is scheduled from 7a.m. to 8a.m. on the next day.
I hope can learn how to conduct delivery before i step into Hosp next year as a Dr.
But there is only 1 month for Obs and we're expected to master the skill.
So how is my oncall day going to be?
Hmm...
Better go to bed now...hehe^.^
I like to learn new thing!!!

"In final year, you all must attain maturity. Not just a newspaper reporter.
They vomit out what the other ppl said completely. You all should stand 2 steps behind and look at the history to analyse it. You're a doctor, not a reporter.
Same like when you cook rendang, must be nicely cooked and tastes delicious. U cannt cook rendang jz by itself, must put in some other ingredients to make it tastes better.
People can judge ur maturity from the way u talk.
Let say u're a car owner and going to send ur car to a mechanic. Jz listen to what he says, u already know whether he is an experienced or new mechanic. R u willing to let a still newbie mechanic to repair ur car? Surely not!
You all already spent 5 years here. And should be mature enough in taking history and manage patients. Exposure and clerking enough patients is the best way to be mature in becoming a Dr.
I know it is difficult to clerk at least 2 patients in a day. But have to. So were I..."
This is wat Prof Eugene told us during ward round.
I agree to his talk and advices. It's true. Must gain something from medical school after spending 5 years here. Mature enough to be a safe Doctor!

BoA is a female Korean singer i like the most. She shows her enthusiasm by singing Eng songs and learning dancing. I can see her improvement now compared with her old song 'Jewel song'. I'm ur loyal Fans!!
BoA is ROCXXXX!!!!

Briefing started at 9am. I'm going to have my last Obs posting before becoming HO.
And the thing that i fret of for quite a long time finally comes to me. Conduct DELIVERY!!!
Ya, this will be a new experience and i'm going to take this challenge. Obs is just a month posting but we have to study a lot including Gynae and fill up our log books.
Within this month, we have to finish 2 case summaries, present long case and seminar topics, attach to antenatal and postnatal ward, antenatal clinic and even have to oncall from 8am to 8am on the next day!! This is really a hectic posting before i go to Banting.
EOP test will be a long case presentation either Obs or Gynae case..haiz
Nevertheless, i still look forwards to my oncall on Thurs. Hopefully i can conduct delivery during that time! hehe. But i know i still have to observe how the HOs do it for a few times before i fully gain my confidence to do it on my own.
The feelings of holding a newborn in my hands...Wah, i really cannot imagine that touching scene when i hold the baby...^.^
However, the process of giving birth is not just having pregnant for 10 months and ends up with bearing the contraction pain..It's far more than that. Only Mothers can understand and they suffer from it!! For me, maybe i just touch the superficial but They go deep into the meaning of giving birth.
Thanks to my mum!! and of coz it can't be expressed fully by jz saying Thank You..
I will appreciate U and won't disappoint U. I promise.

Back from home today...will miss mum's fried eggs for the coming 3 weeks...haiz
After having my dinner in dining hall, suddenly got msg from Tatt saying that study group at 9pm later.@$#@$#@&*&!! why not inform me earlier? I didn't prepare wat to share with later in my SG ler..haiya, the group leader is really not good in organizing SG in an efficient way...=.=
I thought usually there will be no SG after EOP test coz every1 is in 'study-free' mood. haha!
Nvm lo. Since this is a group activity, I have to follow the majority..Sienz
Today i found that i was suffering from post ECT complication. The topic shared by my SG members really made me in depressed mood. I couldn't recall those important topics that i have learnt half a year ago when i was in minor postings. 2 weeks is a pretty short duration for me to approach and learn new things, like ENT, Anaes, Opthalmo...
I totally cannot rmb what i have learnt at that time, especially Acute angle-closured glaucoma was being discussed. Wow, this is an emergency case and i couldn't even manage to work it out!!
I ashamed of myself. Staring at them and listening to them without questioning because i nearly forgot the basic knowledge abt this disease... Sad to say that i have post ECT complication..
Short Term Retrograde Memory Loss
Studying medical sch really is a hard job. Find out the extra capacity in your brain to squeeze in those tonnes of medical term is impossible for me..especially when in Final Year.
You cannot imagine it unless you are in same position as me.
Haiz..God Bless Me!! Final MBBS is just a half year to go..Gambateh, LWH!!
Ooops...ECT is Electro-Convulsive Therapy. Read it up if you dun understand this term.keke.^^