Now . Future

NOW is a history of FUTURE. History cannot be changed. But i can change NOW into a memorable history in the FUTURE. Because i know that what i'm doing NOW will change what i'm going to be in FUTURE.

2010年12月20日
我的新里程碑即将开始
复杂的心情
既紧张又害怕
寒窗苦读十八年
是时候回馈父母 与 社会
万事起头难
希望我能克服这过渡期
当我是学生时
看着种种医生的辛劳与付出
现在到我亲身体会
又是如何的滋味呢?
又有几个能了解那白衣底下的辛酸?
就让我去感受一下
才会成长!
感恩...

Below is what I have written down before I knew my final result 6 months ago. It was a bit lengthy. Anyway, it will be a good memory when I come back to this years later. =)

Now I had officially passed MBBS and really thanks to my family, friends and all those who gave me fully support. I'm leaving UM and heading to my future...
不为模糊不清的未来担忧,
只为清清楚楚的现在努力!!
我一路走来,都坚持着这原则!我想走得更远!我希望!我能!




Here comes my last battle after studying for 5 years. MBBS is not an easy exam at all. It is divided into 4 components which MUST pass all of them. CPC (Clinical-pathological Correlation) and Theory paper, OSCE , clinical exam and CONASS. I’m gonna jot this down and this sure becomes my best memory when I read this back 10 years after this. ^^

CPC case was a Chinese lady who was diagnosed with SLE complicated with lupus nephritis and antiphospholipid syndrome. At least it is not that hard to answer. The exam tips from Perak Medical College were so not reliable this year. All their tips sure won’t come out in the real exam. So it’s a good tips also since u can just skip those topics that they mentioned to u. =.=’’’

I think theory paper is not difficult to score. Here comes the OSCE. All you need to be armed with before u enter the hellish exam hall are practical and communication skills. The most memorable part here is I failed to ambu the patient while doing CPR. Prof Phang kept looking at the chest rise but it won’t happen. The head is not tilted high enough!!! That was the killing part. Sigh~ Anyhow, at least I know it was unshockable ventricular bradycardia. I think can pass that station gua. Overall, OSCE is not that easy to score because all you need is calm, calm and CALM!!! Seriously, it’s really hard to achieve that since u’re just given 5 min to answer all those procedures. If I evaluate myself for OSCE, I can tell you I just borderline pass. When time comes you will do stupid things in front of the examiner. Seriously.

Everyone pray for the good examiners and good patients in clinical exams. And I got an every1-dream-case for long case session. An Indian gentleman with background history of DM, HPT, Hypercholesterolaemia and was diagnosed with Chronic IHD 19 years ago. The patient is a good historian because he has been invited 3 times for exam purpose. The long case examiners were Prof KJ Goh, Prof Dhamendra and 1 external. This is the perfect combo to pass u in exam until proven otherwise. And the good thing is they like to reassure you. They will agree to whatever u said and ur confidence will be boosted up sky high. Wow!! As long as what u said is correct la of course. Zzz.

My short cases are obstructive jaundice (Dr. shangkar), Oblique lie with breech presentation(Prof PC Tan) and MS with AF and Heart failure (Prof Adeeba). U’re given only 10 min to examine patient and come out with diagnosis to discuss with them. This is the most scary part of MBBS I think. I did quite OK for the surgery and Obs cases. Prof PC Tan asked me to calculate POG on the spot!! OMG. This is hard man. U know la medical student’s mathematics ady not that good still want me to count??! Luckily I get it correct and the diagnosis as well. (I spent roughly 20seconds to count POG while Prof just stood beside me. I can listen to his breathing sounds!!......) ^^ But I did sucks for my last short case. I jz able to pick up signs for AF and heart failure. But I really miss that mid diastolic murmur =( Being questioned on that and I kena stunted there. Bell rang and I think I had failed that session. The pulse rate is so weak and I only get that AF when I auscultated the heart sound!!!

Here comes to the end of my MBBS exam. Tmr will be the judgement day and I hope all of us can pass the exam and continuing our long journey to serve for the people. I pray and I hope…

就如上图所示,一组迷失的密码。最近仿佛发现自己迷失了方向。
到底我在朝前方迈进,还是回到了原点?
一切都变得提不起劲来。开始厌倦了这样的生活。
在环境的压迫下,而成就了今天的自己。
更不该在这时候说放弃。但总得让自己歇一歇,重整思绪,在走前一步。
其实前方并不遥远,跨前一步,才能继续揭开那迷失的密码。
理想与现实是有距离的。若它们是零距离,那我还稀罕理想吗?
好吧!透一口气!再设法解答那被遗忘已久的迷失密码。

末期癌症的病人是绝对有权知道本身的病情。
家属更不该隐瞒病人,该知道隐瞒事实,只是浪费他剩余的光阴。
病人其实远远比家属更了解自己的病痛,只是他不知到底严重至什么地步。
低落沮丧的过渡期是必然的。
病人了解自己,才能够积极面对疗程。
坚强活下去,才能战胜癌魔。
若被瞒在鼓里,他对自己的病情一知半解,会胡乱猜测,会茫然无助,又如何能面对无法预知的明天呢?
无论怎么说,这一切全由家属决定该不该坦然告诉病人。
正确的想法与决定是主宰生命的关键。

I'm so worrying about you. Why it's you to have this problem?
Just a few days fever. Why can't it's just a viral fever?
Why all the triple cell lines have to drop?
First come to my mind is for sure not a good thing. Needless to say that I hope it's not happen on you.
I have seen so many patients out there in the ward suffering under the treatment modalities.
Will the traditional medication help?
Will all the superstition thingy come to play a role?
As a medical profession, I shouldn't believe in this but I hope it does help.
Because I don't know. There was no further investigation done.
I hope not. I couldn't accept it if it does happen.
I'm praying here for you. I'm very worried and I know the others' feelings are same with me.
You're not deserved for all these.
You should be fine and you sure will.

Long time since I last updated my blog before sitting for my finale.
The reason why is because I had failed for the first time in my study life and this made me anhedonia for quite some time.
This will be the first and the last that I promise to myself.
I dun wan to let this recur 6 months later. My mood was very very bad when I got the result. Why I have to suffer all this before I start my working life?
Being advised and consoled by my family and friends, I know that I have to continue my journey no matter how hard the challenge is.
The most difficult part is facing the failure and accept it!!
I have to and I must!!
Ya. Of course stressed. But stressed can become desserts if I can reverse it.
I hope so. ^^
Thanks for all those who always support me!!


1 day left!!!
My brain is so saturated now...
And as expected I couldn't finish studying all.
But what can I do??
GOD bless me!!
I really need YOUR blessings!!!
神啊!救救我吧!!!

About this blog

Just a simple story of a medical student who doesn't know what will happen to him in the future.
He is still very blur in determining his future.
However, he tries to make a better tomorrow.
Sharing his story with you all.

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I'm looking forward to my future....who am i 12 years from now? I'm going to determine it...

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