Now . Future

Below is what I have written down before I knew my final result 6 months ago. It was a bit lengthy. Anyway, it will be a good memory when I come back to this years later. =)

末期癌症的病人是绝对有权知道本身的病情。
家属更不该隐瞒病人，该知道隐瞒事实，只是浪费他剩余的光阴。
病人其实远远比家属更了解自己的病痛，只是他不知到底严重至什么地步。
低落沮丧的过渡期是必然的。
病人了解自己，才能够积极面对疗程。
坚强活下去，才能战胜癌魔。
若被瞒在鼓里，他对自己的病情一知半解，会胡乱猜测，会茫然无助，又如何能面对无法预知的明天呢？
无论怎么说，这一切全由家属决定该不该坦然告诉病人。
正确的想法与决定是主宰生命的关键。

I'm so worrying about you. Why it's you to have this problem?
Just a few days fever. Why can't it's just a viral fever?
Why all the triple cell lines have to drop?
First come to my mind is for sure not a good thing. Needless to say that I hope it's not happen on you.
I have seen so many patients out there in the ward suffering under the treatment modalities.
Will the traditional medication help?
Will all the superstition thingy come to play a role?
As a medical profession, I shouldn't believe in this but I hope it does help.
Because I don't know. There was no further investigation done.
I hope not. I couldn't accept it if it does happen.
I'm praying here for you. I'm very worried and I know the others' feelings are same with me.
You're not deserved for all these.
You should be fine and you sure will.

Long time since I last updated my blog before sitting for my finale.
The reason why is because I had failed for the first time in my study life and this made me anhedonia for quite some time.
This will be the first and the last that I promise to myself.
I dun wan to let this recur 6 months later. My mood was very very bad when I got the result. Why I have to suffer all this before I start my working life?
Being advised and consoled by my family and friends, I know that I have to continue my journey no matter how hard the challenge is.
The most difficult part is facing the failure and accept it!!
I have to and I must!!
Ya. Of course stressed. But stressed can become desserts if I can reverse it.
I hope so. ^^
Thanks for all those who always support me!!

1 day left!!!
My brain is so saturated now...
And as expected I couldn't finish studying all.
But what can I do??
GOD bless me!!
I really need YOUR blessings!!!
神啊！救救我吧！！！

想起这个笔筒，是在我念中三时，朋友送我的生日礼物。
所以它已跟随我大概有十年了吧。
无论我去到任何角落念书，我都会将它摆在我的书架，正面着我。
在马六甲高校或在马大，都是一样。
看起来还是相当新颖吧。全归于每个星期都会擦拭它的功劳。
我总相信有它的存在，才会有今天的我。
这次希望它能让我顺利挨过这一次大考吧。
信心真的很重要。但偏偏我缺乏信心，尤其是在医生/讲师面前。
可能是知识方面不到佳，只好在这最后关头咬紧牙根，拼命啃书。
运气在医科考试方面真的能够扭转一切。相信我这是个事实！
“你是最好的，你知道吗？”
“你是最好的，你知道吗？” 取自周星驰在《少林足球》对赵薇的对白。
我也常这样告诉自己。没错。 至少能让紧张的情绪舒缓些。^^
这或许不是真的。但并非不可能。
我才发现在考试周，我写部落格的次数变更频繁了。XD
好了，继续奋勇作战！！

Time flies. 1st study week is going to end soon.
My study progress is too slow liao. Cham...T_T
Wake up at 7am to practise short case EOD. Actually our study group is quite efficient if compared with other groups.
Each of us can do 2 cases per session including discussion. Thumbs up for my group!!!^^
But then the revision part really sucks.. I realize that I have not enough time ady.
How???!!!!
Keep on thinking of travelling thingy although haven enter exam hall.
Please la. Concentrate 1st.

Walaueh...Long time I don't update my blog ady.
Ok. Here I come.

Yesterday I met with April again whom I wished not getting her as my examiner.
But then really very Superb LUCKY lo since can get her in EOP long case exam.
She was my surgical posting tutor for the past 2 months.
She sure muka busuk + masam when took our class. The underlying reason is still pending. Maybe because she is pregnant and with kind of hormonal disturbence. I don't know.
When I was called for presentation, she looked totally different from the original April.
She smiled at me and here started my long case presentation.
Anyhow, I still took necessary precautions because she aka SILENT KILLER in Final Exam.
As expected, she asked me about acute pancreatitis although the diagnosis was cholecystitis.
This was the only advantage of getting her as my tutor that I could think of.
I know all her styles and tricks inside out and upside down...keke. Ya, I was ready and starting verbally diarrhoea.
Not bad gua.^^

Tmr is going to have my last EOP writing paper. Then will enter 3 weeks of study holiday. Tension-nya~
Studying for 5 years and it's time for redemption.
How to plan my study weeks ler... Go home to celebrate chap go meh first before getting back to the hellish cage.
I prepare to lie my scrotums on the chair and study hard hard for the coming 3 weeks.
I want to be freed!!!

Auntie Chow, a patient in General Surgical Ward, is going to be discharged soon because she chooses to take rest at home rather than suffering in the ward. She was diagnosed with NHL since 7 years ago and for the last 2 years the lymphoma has spread to her stomach. All these while she had underwent chemotherapy and thought that she was well.

Unfortunately, diagnostic laparoscopy was done recently which showed infiltration of the liver by the gastric lymphoma. Operation couldn’t be carried out due to high risk situation. However, she seems optimistic in accepting her end stage illness. I’m the medical student who started clerking her on last Wed. The 15 min-talk with her was just solely chit-chat with no relation to learning purposes.

She never blamed the doctors who couldn’t save her life. On the other hand, she blamed herself of not taking care of her lifestyle seriously which lead to the cancer. She appreciated the help of the surgical teams so much. Besides that, she gave lots of advice and encouragement for me to further my study to become a good Doctor. This is because her second son is also an Endocrinologist in Putrajaya Specialist Center. She never regret for her whole life because of having 3 good children who love and care for her. She is the only patient who emphasize to me that the importance of family during these 3 years of clinical pratice. And lots of her story which I couldn’t summarize here in short.

Although she seems ok, but the teary eyes couldn’t mask her sorrow. I knew that I was able to stop my tear from dropping as well. And I had made it but not 100% perfect…

I believe that I did learn from her not just about the lymphoma but more importantly is the inspiration she instilled in my heart. I promised her that I will visit her until the day she is discharge from UH. I hold her skinny and cold clammy hands…and this might be the last time to do so. Hope Auntie Chow is happy wherever she is in the future.

Thank you. Auntie.

Today is 4th Jan 2010...
Wah, left 11 weeks to go for Final Exam!!
How? Why am i still blogging here?
I should open my book and study. Not much time left for wasting!!
Haiz. My chronic problem is still there although I have tried thousands of method to get rid of it.
Extremely poor concentration span~~~
Easily distracted by external environment...Erm....MH???
Should quit MH dy lo...Don't play!! Go study!!
Say nia..Won't take action 1...lolz
Guy's concentration span always shorter than girl's..
This is the solid fact. Girls can concentrate better and longer than guys..
So, I have trained myself very hard to focus, focus, focus, focus and focus.................
Too focusing sometimes makes me feel drowsy and sleepy, just like now.
ZzzZzzz....
Good night every1...
Tmr only I continue focusing then. ^^ Jia you ba!!